Goodbye to Simcha

Today marked two weeks since Simcha's diagnosis with an oral cancer. At his last visit, we had decided to spare him his regular shots, but we had started to treat him for hookworms. Immediately following his diagnosis we noticed that he had developed a mild discharge in his right eye. This past week, the right side of his face became swollen. At times blood was visible on his tongue. Still, he was his usual playful self and he appeared to be eating normally. Today he was to receive the second dose of wormer. Simcha was happy to be going out with me. He smiled broadly as we drove toward the vet's office.

I took my camera to the doctor's office in order to record the growth of his tumor. I could have photographed it at home as I did two weeks ago, but I did not want to cause him any unnecessary discomfort. As it turned out, the vet was unable to get Simcha to open his mouth without resorting to sedation.

The doc instilled the wormer paste into the unaffected side of the dog's mouth. I asked again for a run-down on the sort of pain that the progression of Simcha's cancer could be expected to produce. Dr. Grisoli said to expect continued swelling, difficulty eating, possible drooling, and probably incursion of the tumor into the orbit of the eye. Simcha's upper jaw might fracture.

I told the vet that if it were time to euthanize Simcha, I was prepared to do so. I said that every time I looked into his swollen face, I was reminded that it would soon be necessary and that Simcha would soon be in pain (if he were not already.) Still, I did not want to steal from him any happy time that was rightfully his. It would not be right to euthanize my dog today just to prevent MY sad feelings when I look at him. The vet responded that it was important to consider the effect that the dog's illness was having on my family, and that weighing that effect was reasonable and appropriate, but I insisted that only Simcha's needs mattered. The rest of us would have plenty of time to heal.

When I asked how soon he wanted Simcha to return for follow-up, he said to return in a week. The following week would be the Fourth of July, and clinic hours everywhere would be disrupted. It would be a shame to have difficulty contacting a vet should the dog's condition worsen suddenly. If he expected Simcha's status to deteriorate that quickly...

Simcha had already lost two lbs. since his weigh-in two weeks ago (to the extent that we can trust the doctor's scale). The lesion was painful enough that we could photograph it only from the outside with his lip raised. Separating the dog's jaws had already become impossible. I chose to euthanize today. The doctor left the room to give me time with Simcha and "to get the injection." I was disturbed to hear him mention only one injection, as my other dogs had been euthanized in a gentle, two-step process, involving a comforting tranquilizer followed some minutes later by the euthanasia drug itself. I assumed that the vet had simply misspoken.

I was disappointed when the doctor insisted on placing Simcha back up on the stainless steel table in order to admininister the shot into the dog's right front leg. The doc and one or two techs held him still. Simcha was frightened up there and I tried to comfort him, telling him he would soon be happy and relaxed. By the time the syringe was nearly emptied, Simcha's tongue has started to protrude from his muzzle. He was unconscious, and his heart stopped within a minute. There had been no time to console myself that he was enjoying a brief respite of pain-free relaxation, falling asleep as I spoke words of love into his face. He went from terror to GONE.

Never again will I allow one of my animals to be euthanized this way.