Second Day of Kate's Bat Mitzvah

We ordered only two floral arrangements for the bat mitzvah: one large one for the sanctuary, and one for the chapel to be used Friday night. The chapel display ended up in the Social Hall. Both were primarily pink, and included roses, day lilies and white baby's breath.

On the day of Kate's main bat mitzvah services, she refused to wear her hair hanging down and curly as she had the night before. She wore her beautiful gray Ann Taylor suit under her new tallit (prayer shawl), but her hair was pulled back and thoughtlessly stuffed into a clip, as if to announce that she was having a "bad hair day." Kate became nervous before the service was to start, and she told the rabbi that she didn't want to go through with it.

Available at the entrance to the sanctuary was a pile of shocking pink satin kipot, or skull caps, which are used by Jewish men during prayer. As is the custom, we had several dozen made with Kate's name and bat mitzvah date printed on the inside lining. The company--which specializes in such printing--inexplicably misspelled the word "synagogue".


Anticipating the presence of many non-Jewish guests, I had written up a description of the service to replace the booklet that was typically distributed at b'nei mitzvah. However, it had been so long since I had attended a bar or bat mitzvah at Shir Chadash (given that I must work on Saturday) that my booklet duplicated the latest revision of what was already being used. Moreover, I tried to draw parallels between the Saturday morning service and the Catholic Mass (since roughly two thirds of the New Orleans population is Roman Catholic and another quarter is Southern Baptist), and the powers that be removed all such material in fear that Christians would be offended by my mention of them. Undeterred, I shall record my commentary here. Having been raised Catholic, and having served as leader of the folk mass musicians and vice president of the CYO, I believe that my observations regarding the services are well-informed.

Kate led all the services that day. After her experience with the dualing tenors the night before, (actually I think the rabbi is a baritone, but "dueling tenors" sounds better than one of each), Joel advised her to sing loudly and to follow her tutor's lead.

The Saturday morning service began at 9:45 a.m. It consists largely of psalms, which are chanted under one’s breath, with their beginnings and endings chanted aloud. One of the most important parts of the morning service is the chanting of the Sh’ma. The word Sh’ma refers to a one-line prayer (“Sh’ma Israel, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai echad” which means, “Hear, Israel, the Lord our God is One”) and also to the long chant which follows it. The next major part of the morning service is the Amidah, a prayer said silently while standing. On weekdays the Amidah includes petitionary prayers directed toward many purposes, such as prayers for wisdom, but on Shabbat (the Sabbath), it includes prayers regarding the Sabbath itself.

The next major part of the service was the Torah Service (beginning roughly at 10:30 a.m.), in which Kate played a major part. For you Catholics, the Torah Service is analogous to the Liturgy of the Word. Before and after the Torah Service, the Torah scroll—in this case the scroll containing Deuteronomy (which Jews call Devarim) written by hand in Hebrew without vowels—was paraded around the sanctuary so congregants can kiss it (performed using a prayer shawl or a prayer book). Instead of the Epistle and Gospel, Jews chant from the Torah and the Haftarah, the latter being a reading from the prophets. The Torah chant is broken up into seven sections, each of which is introduced by a series of blessings said by someone who is being honored. Honorees’ names are called aloud in Hebrew and they stand on the bima (raised area in front of the sanctuary) with the Torah reader. (We were thrilled that Dr. Barry Ivker, the synagogue's pre-Katrina Torah Reader, came in from Birmingham for the weekend to be with the Shir Chadash family once again.) We chose to honor a number of local Jewish friends from both within and outside of our congregation. Joel and I had one Torah section assigned to us. The final Torah portion is called the Maftir portion and it is usually assigned to the Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Kate chanted the blessings for the Maftir portion. Next she chanted the entire Haftarah reading, which has a different melody from that of the Torah reading. To me the Haftorah was particularly poignant as it begins, "Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear, Break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail; For more are the children of the desolate Than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord." This section of Scripture resonates strongly with me after the stresses that Joel and I underwent together in pursuing fertility treatments before we adopted Kate.

Kate then gave a short sermon called a D’var Torah (“word of Torah”), which was followed by the rabbi’s sermon. As expected, Kate raced through her D'var Torah quickly and softly, not directing her voice into the microphone, so few people were able to hear it other than those of us sitting in the front row. This trait characterizes most bar and bat mitzvah kids. Fortunately, we re-enacted the Haftorah and D'var Torah the following day after Shabbat, when it was allowable to film it.

The rabbi's sermon was excellent. He addressed immigration reform, somehow relating the topic to part of the Torah portion. I don't remember the details because I was in such an altered state when I heard it.

As only Jews are allowed to perform the prayers before and after the Torah portions, I sought other ways to include other persons important in our lives. I convinced my friend Val to read a prayer for our country aloud in English; unfortunately for Val, the rabbi had changed the format of that prayer since I had last attended Shabbat services. Val held his own, though, and did the Solutions Club proud.

After the Torah Service comes an extra service that is added on the Sabbath to represent the extra sacrifices that were traditionally offered on that day during the time of the Temple in Jerusalem. It includes a repetition of the Amidah. It was about this far into the service that I glanced over at Kate and decided that she looked surprisingly comfortable and appropriate standing on the bima.

Toward the end of the last service is that time reserved for short speeches from the rabbi, the Bat Mitzvah’s parents, and officials of the congregation. In his short speech directed to Kate, Rabbi Ted shocked us by discussing that section of Kate's Torah portion that states that even in a rough-and-tumble military encampment, it is necessary to walk well outside the camp's boundaries to defecate, and one should bury one's waste with a shovel. This had something to do with holiness, but elicited plenty of chuckles. I was genuinely grateful that he did not choose to discuss the relevant section on nocturnal emissions, which was ALSO included in Kate's Torah portion.

Joel and I each decided to give a short speech. We did not share our thoughts ahead of time. He went first and kept his comments brief. I started out my talk by promising Kate that I vowed not to say anything embarrassing about her: I knew that such limits would force me to be brief as well. I also promised to avoid crying, although I acknowledged that women in my family are renowned for "crying at supermarket openings." I told Kate that I was proud of her--not just for the way she had handled leading services, but for how she had handled the entire year. When Katrina hit, she did not know what would become of our home, her school, or our lives. In the past school year she had attended three vastly different schools: the tiny New Orleans Jewish Day School, wherein her class had fewer than a dozen children, giant Beren Academy in Houston, where she had to wear long skirts everyday, and finally Adams Middle School, a Jefferson Parish public school near our home. It would have been so easy for her to shut down emotionally, to close herself off from other kids, but she chose not to do so, and the end result is that she has made deep and lasting friendships. Although she could not have weasled her way out of a bat mitzvah entirely, she could have done much to drag her feet, but again she chose not to do so. She did all of both services and did an admirable job. I reminded her to remember not only the triumphs of the year, but the process itself--sometimes painful, sometimes scary--and how she had worked very hard and earned positive outcomes. I told Kate how grateful I am that once in a while she hugs me out of genuine affection, and how welcome that behavior is in my eyes. I started to cry as I added, that one does not expect that from a teenager. I also told her that I genuinely admire how quick she is to apologize when she gets upset and says or does something wrong. In her ability to do that, she is a better person than I am. The speech ended in a teary hug. There was not a dry eye in the house.

At the end of the service is the Kiddush, a blessing over bread and wine that is always made a number of times on the Sabbath. Non-Jews are welcome to eat the sweet challah bread and to drink the wine, as they have no special significance (unlike the eucharistic hosts of various Christian churches). Kiddush usually occurs by 12:30 p.m. The Oneg Shabbat (“delight of the Sabbath”) luncheon occurs every week, even when there is no Bar or Bat Mitzvah celebration. On the day of Kate's bat mitzvah, the Oneg wound down at about two o'clock.

Although I had invited everyone at PetWorld, most of them had to work, as it is our busiest day. Vilma, who works at our store for Nutro on the weekends, attended with her sister and nephew. Surprisingly, she saw several people she knows well, including Torah Reader Barry Ivker, who doesn't even live in New Orleans anymore.

The Saturday food turned out great. We had bagels and lox, challah, fruit salad, tuna salad, kugel, soft drinks and coffee, and birthday cake ("Mazel Tov Kate" written on chocolate cake with chocolate icing). Joel had picked up bright but simple round Mylar balloons to decorate the tables, which were covered with white tablecloths.

After the Oneg, Kate and her friend Jessica joined Zach and Max, another friend from Jacobs Camp, by swimming at the pool at Zach's hotel. While she burned off any excess energy, Joel and I napped. Zach took our places as Kate's guest when it was time to attend Marcus' party that night. Again we were exhausted, but did not feel quite as drained as we had after the first evening.